Felicia’s Gossip Column

Dear Diary,

Felicia is feeling a little low with the recent snow. But wait! Now it’s warm and raining. Felicia is confused, but actually finds the rain cleansing and appreciates the delay of more snow. Whatever will Felicia do to pass the cold, dark days in the next three months??? Drink, of course. But wait! There’s more! Felicia has started the Travelling Lounge. Our first event was bringing the Travelling Bar to Jason’s housewarming party. Felicia had a wonderful time schmoozing and mixing martinis. Big thanks to the hosts, Jason and Jerry. Those men know how to throw a party. You, too, can have Felicia in your living room, impressing your friends with her sexy martini mixing skills. Felicia aims to please.

Enough about Felicia! Did you get your flu shot? Felicia did. Ouch. At the Target flu clinic, along with intelligent Felica patrons Jim and Amber. You go, Jim and Amber! At least the three of us won’t be sick this winter. Everyone else is going to be very, very jealous when they are aching and fevered and stuck in bed while we’re living the good life at Felicia’s. The big bummer is, the Tompkins County health department isn’t giving any more public flu shots. So now you have to go to your own physician if you want your shot and pay for both a copay and a shot. I don’t understand. They said there wouldn’t be a flu shot shortage this year. At any rate, Felicia says, it’s worth the money! Do you remember how much it sucks to get the flu? It sucks bad. Really bad.

Speaking of famous patron sightings at Target, Felicia keeps waiting for Whoopie Goldberg to come into the lounge. What, did she break up with her Trumansburg boyfriend already? Or are they just too good for us? Whoopie, you don’t know what you’re missing?? If we are all Felicia, does that mean that Whoopie is Felicia, too? Whoah. That’s deep. Whoopie Felicia. Someone buy her a Felicia tshirt. Who knows, Leah and Amelia just might be celebrity magnets. Leah used to hang out with Gene Shallit (I have no idea how to spell his name), the guy who reviewed movies for Good Morning America or one of those early a.m. shows that we’re never awake for. And Amelia met the president of Mexico, Vicente Fox, about 15 years ago when he wasn’t president yet and when she was a young, hopeful liberal out to change the world (she’s since become a bit jaded, but that’s a whole other story…).

OK, another thing to file into your brain….Are you looking for a cool, hip gift to give your niece or nephew this Christmas, something that will freak out your brother or sister and maybe even get you banned from their house for a few months? Then Felicia has a gift for you: The Young Mixologist Kit: An 8 ounce stainless steel mini shaker with two plastic martini glasses, packaged together with some plastic swizzle sticks and foam drink coasters expressly for that young tyke who wants to mimic his cocktail drinking Auntie or Uncle. Felicia says, why not?? Japan has a non-alcoholic kids beer that looks and tastes like Budweiser and is getting rave reviews. Encourage responsible drinking and creative cocktail mixing while the youngins are impressionable. Start that kid on learning some real life skills now, because affording college could be a dream in another ten or fifteen years. Ask Amelia for details next time you are at the bar; these Young Mixologist Kits should be available at Felicia’s in the first or second week of December, just in time for Santa to get them wrapped and delivered.

And for you, the mature Felicia, coming very soon, grownup Felicia hoodie sweatshirts and knit caps. Too cool. Shut up.

Fondly,
Felicia

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 at 10:55 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.